Can’t Even: A Woman’s Struggle

I am a female in the 21st Century.


I’m a Millennial Female living in New York in the 21st Century…..

….Well more specifically; I’m a generation y, 90’s kid, Batman loving, body fat weighing, wellness dieting, macaroni and cheese loving, pro feminist, gender equality, male envy, school girl crushing, like me for my brain but still find me hot female living in New York City.

Sometimes I just can’t even.

On the surface, this all looks like I’m  just a self entitled millennial that wouldn’t know real suffering if it bit her in the eye…which is technically true. I don’t live in a third world country, I’m not hurting for money(kind of), I don’t come from a home of physical and mental abuse,  I’ve never gone into battle, seen real death and worry if I will live or die.

There, I have given my disclaimer, now for my “identity crisis”

If I look at this from an ideology standpoint, its actually a perfect time to be a female. As Lord Snoke said, “There has been an awakening…can you feel it?”  Female stereotypes are being slowly stripped away, female wages are being raised,  and more and more females are getting in the drivers seat with businesses and corporations. That is for sure a silver lining.

However, this also brings about a string of new expectations we, as females, must represent. “independent” “we don’t need a man” “I’ll drive” “I’ll bring home the bacon” “I don’t need to fit into that dress, he should like me at any size” Yes, these are all empowering. AND yes I feel this way…just not all the time.  To me, gender equality means freedom of choice. If a woman wants to never get married, run a company, not care about what she should be wearing to get ahead and make up her own rules,  she should be able to without society looking down on her.

However, if all a woman wants to do is get married, have kids, not work, do hobbies, learn to cook, watch her diet so she stays a particular size to fit in that size 6 cocktail dress she likes, go to the spa, get her hair done and be (for lack of a better term) girly….that’s also her prerogative. Sometimes its nice to have help around the house. Its nice to have someone to lighten the load. AND sometimes that dress…that dress makes me feel sexy, makes me feel empowered. When I’m also a certain weight, I have more energy, I feel better about myself and I get more of an itch for prowling.

It’s tricky, cause I got back and forth from one spectrum to the other. Some days I put on Beyoncé and strut down the street telling men to keep “to the left, to the left.” Then other days, Adele comes on and I just stare at my ex’s photo and wonder if I should call. It’s almost like being bipolar except there’s no medication for it. Thank God for wine right?

Its not really a complaint when I get down to it. Society for the most part will accept who I choose to be and I don’t need to feel pressure to choose one side or the other. But when there’s 50 shades of mood swings happening and you’re way past the point of teenage years…you have to wonder; Are We There Yet?




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