Sometimes I really wish that all I wanted from a man was a business partner and sex.
Sex in the City ironically is an accurate title for New York; Why? Because it lends itself to be about financial profit and self gratifying no strings attached sex. MILLIONS of people come here competing to be the next Zuckerberg and its tough. So, egos need to be fed and sex is a quick way to feed the beast while climbing the social latter. Boom!
You would think though, that with over 4 million people here, SOME are actually looking to also commit to building a relationship. And it’s probably true. But I haven’t really seen them. AND if they (meaning for my case, men) are, they aren’t single long. So where does that leave the ambitious female that also wants marriage?
Its almost like I’m a walking contradiction. I’ve got this scarlet F for feminism on my chest, I walk down the street snapping my fingers “miss independent” style but I’m also looking to build a galactic empire of little jedi as well. That 76 trombones marching message “We are equal” more often than not traps me into “platonic partner” zone. Which is equally annoying. I mean who knew that men, driven and patient with their career path would only be tolerant when it came to their jobs? Its hot to see a guy willing to put blood, sweat and tears into what they want but can’t they do that and me at the same time? Or am I asking too much?
Case in point. There was this guy around the office. He doesn’t work there (which thank god) but he’s a collaborator with my boss. Very driven, polite guy, mid 30’s I would say, well rounded, a straight talker with a nice tall physique AND the most luscious green eyes I’ve ever seen! How, I repeat, how does one even attempt to get on this guy’s radar?! My first instinct was to show him how smart I was, then I tripped over a couple of words within the first two sentences of talking with him (nice going Bevin). My second instinct was to show him just how good of a listener I was. I had to ask for his last name twice. My third instinct was to appear cool and collected and then I ran into the door on my way out of the room.
Now I can NOT, I repeat, NOT look like a idiot bimbo. This guy is used to females absolutely losing their cool over him. I’m not blind. I scout the terrain when he walks in, practically anyone with a vagina or a dick for that matter gives him the once over. We at the office over time have discovered that he’s single and NOT gay….which basically means he’s married to his work. If he’s devoted to his work, then just flaunting in front of him is a one way stop to, “wham, bam, thank you I’m out!”. Nope, no more making notch’s in men’s belts for me. So what do I become? The best co-collaborator in the office for him; there are spread sheets for days, timely follow up emails, innovative ideas for social media…..congratulations Bev! Here, have a cookie.
I know what you’re thinking. “Why don’t you just ask him out?” Well its not that simple. I also see the potential financial benefit for myself. He’s well connected, SO he can open a lot of doors…what happens if I say something and he’s not into it? Have I just made things awkward? Will he be “adult” enough to still want to work with me? Is it worth the risk? Is he even into me?
You’ve heard of the book “He’s Just Not that Into You” right? First golden rule is, if he’s not calling, not hunting, not inquiring, not asking then move on. Well in my experience the men that ask or inquire usually want to gauge if you’ll jump into bed. Once that’s accomplished its “Bye, bye, bye.” The way this guy moves into my personal space gives me the hint that there’s something there BUT I’ve been written off in his mind as a professional benefactor for….ya know, his first love. And I think, well if he hasn’t asked…its not happening.
In the end the both of us seemed to decide to pass go and collect the 200 dollars.
Me: “Hey, thanks so much for offering your contacts. Let me know how else I can help your company for the future.”
Him: “You bet! You were great to work with. I’ll make sure to put in a good word to them before you email, you’re a terrific asset.”
He gives me a hug (god he’s got some guns underneath that blazer) a wink and a smile and leaves. And that’s it. Another quarter goes into my career jar while my relationship one remains barren. um high five?
What have we become? Are we so desperate to climb up the hill of wall street that we shut down any feelings of romantic flirtation? Sure, relationships sprung up in the workplace don’t have the best reputation for lasting but its surely not the case for everyone? In a city where the price to live is high, all your socializing is basically also networking your career at the same time. Isn’t it inevitable that you will become close to someone associated with your field? Does that mean we should never go for it?
Just what has this city turned me into?